This month I'm skipping out on my tutorial themed Bibliotheca post. I've been hella busy, so I won't be teaching much of anything. Instead, I'll talk purely about myself.
I am trans and I just got my top surgery. It's a non-trivial endeavor; in the process, my surgeon removed about 800g of tissue, and it'll take about two weeks from the surgery date before I can work again. I've wanted this for nearly a decade.
To prepare for the surgery, I cleaned my room. This included putting away all my pettis and moving my heavy-duty clothing rack with all of my main pieces. In the process, I had to take each main piece, hang it up, and reorganize it on the rack, knowing that I wouldn't be able to wear it for some time because of my recovery.
To put it bluntly, recovery sucks. I can't lift more than 10 pounds, I have to eat healthy, and I need to reach my surgical drains, which means brand is a no-go for the most part. Still, this is a good opportunity for reflection.
I didn't imagine that I'd miss wearing lolita so much, but I do. Being trans is a part of me, but being a surreal vision of poofiness is as well. Many people I've met, including my mother, don't understand how I, or anyone, can be transmasculine and still love wearing lolita. To that, I answer: the normative models for male and female are closer to one another than either is to lolita. Lolita is supremely an outlier of creative expression, and that niche of absurdity is one I can live in.
Once I'm healed up enough, I'll go back to work and put all my clothes back. I'll probably have to sell a fair portion of my wardrobe; the bodices in lolita are made for a B-cup, not a surgically flattened plane. Still, I'm optimistic. After all, lolita is about doing what makes you happy, and I've aced that.
Oh, also theocracy is bad and 'justices' who lie under oath can choke. Donate to an abortion fund today!