Bibliotheca: Aliases

This bimonthly Bibliotheca theme is names, and it knocked loose a memory long since stuck in the corners of my skull: 

Remember when lolitas all had aliases? 

This probably sounds bizarre to newer people, but there was a solid period during which people in the English-speaking communities would routinely maintain utterly separate identities--Facebook, Livejournal, and real life-- with an entirely different name for their everyday and lolita personas. Not a username, but a full on first-and-last on-the-coffee cup restaurant-reservation Name. It didn’t just extend to online or strangers, either: I went years without knowing the actual names of some of my friends. 

It was logical at the time: after all, most people used to assume that being into cosplay or alternative fashion meant you were some kind of weird violent pervert. Keeping your hobby activities separate from your family and work was a simple and practical buffer against harassment, especially in the days of doxxing and coordinated anonymous bullying campaign, driven by lolitas and non-lolitas alike. 

Having a separate lolita name also meshed well with the exaggerated concept of the lolita lifestyler. After all, if the goal of the lifestyle lolita was to experience the world entirely through a lolita lens, then renaming yourself anchored a lolita sense of self, one detached from menial reality. Additionally, even if you couldn’t afford brand, you could enact (a given aesthetic) of lolita through performance of lolita adjacent actions like crafting (i.e. ribbon embroidery) and media consumption (especially Kamikaze Girls). It was basically a small-scale LARP through lolita-coded behavior in order to cope with the fact that nobody will ever be Momoko, including Momoko. None of these words were used like this before 2020, and certainly none of them are in the (Gothic & Lolita) Bible. There is no collective unconscious archetype for lolitas, but if there is, her name is probably Alice. 

I used to think this elaborate play of identities-through-names was just a smidge absurd. I mean, it made sense if you wanted to keep your boss from knowing what you’re up to on weekends, but to use a different name for fun, even with your friends? It seemed distrusting and even dishonest. I saw it as a matter of simple courtesy to provide that tiny fragment of self when investing your time and energy into a social relationship-- the bare minimum offering when negotiating a bond. It was also a little fanciful, i.e., cringe, but cringe is dead and cringe is freedom. The cringe argument has outlived its usefulness. 

As someone who goes by a nickname for gender reasons, I now know better. My birth name is not a relevant aspect of myself unless I’m signing paperwork or being yelled at, two activities which I do not enjoy mixing into lolita. When I introduce myself with my username or nickname, I am being infinitely more honest about who I really am than if I were to rattle off my (long and antiquated) legal name. The legal truth is more of a lie than the choices I’ve made. 

In many ways, renaming yourself in a hobby community is a type of gender exploration available to anyone, cis, trans, or questioning. If someone’s identity falls broadly into the same female-ness they were born into, they have few chances, barring inventive nicknames, to reinvent their identity from that bedrock that is nomenclature. Nominative determinism isn’t ironclad, of course, but there are some names unwieldy enough that they weigh down the wearer. I’m particularly thinking of my (exceedingly deceased) grandmother, who absolutely despised her middle name (Gladys) until she discarded it the moment she got married. No matter who you are, you should be safe being known by the correct name, whether given or chosen. 

That’s not even touching on the folks with Dissociative Identity Disorder-- I do not have lived experience with this condition, so I will not go on at length about it. It seems, though, that being known by different names in different situations can be helpful and meaningful to people with more varied experiences of self. 

I also think some of my dear friends have trialed new names for family, work, and legality starting by using them in lolita and working their way out. After all, there’s a certain feeling of triviality when it comes to introducing yourself in a transient, hobby-centered space-- people come and go all the time, so reintroducing yourself doesn’t even warrant a second glance. 

These days, aliases seem to be mostly residual, and anonymity is fractured more than ever-- there are people posting with their whole legal name, face, and neighborhood and ones whose username is the most information anyone will ever see. The first one is inadvisable unless you’re building a career from lolita posting (a bold gamble) and the second one seems distant. I have chosen a balance that I think suits me, but everyone’s comfort with anonymity differs, I suppose. However, please do not post under your full name if you are a minor, for Pete’s sake. 

I think we’re probably long past the heyday of lolita aliases, but it honestly doesn’t hurt anyone. So be cringe, call yourself Alice Momoko Sakura-sama, and do what makes you happy! After all, your name, the “you” by which you are known,  is a choice for yourself alone.