Bibliotheca: Femininity

 I'm late for this, but it's time for Bibliotheca, with the theme of femininity. 

I've been getting ready for a move and dealing with a series of large work events, but I'll be able to blog more after! With that in mind, this post will be shorter and less well-cited than most of my posts, but I hope it's up to snuff anyhow.

Anyway, this is a great time for me to expound on one of my favorite topics: I am not a woman but I respect women a lot. 

Italian Spiderman reminding us to Respect Women

I respect women immensely-- as a nonbinary person who came out as an adult, I tried and failed to find a place for myself in womanhood, and I greatly admire both the people who stuck it out as a woman from the beginning and women who found it within themselves after being raised as another gender. 

Many people are surprised at the gender diversity of such a feminine fashion as lolita, and the fact that we welcome all genders. The fact is, gender diversity has been part of lolita (mostly gothic lolita) since its onset. 

Mana-Sama in his blurry glory

Gothic lolita has firmer ties to Visual Kei band culture and music in general than other substyles, and Visual Kei bands are and were well known for flamboyance and gender-nonconforming stage outfits. Mana-sama is still very prominent as a musician and in his involvement with Moi-même-Moitié (even though it is no longer under his leadership). Goths in the know used to bring photos of Mana-sama to clubs and ask straight men if they were attracted to the person in the photo, only to reveal that Mana-sama is also a man. This was the pinnacle of humor back then.

Another facet/phase of lolita and gender non-conformity is the "brolita" phenomenon, which was a label used for men in the English-speaking community for men who wore lolita fashion. In retrospect, it seems unnecessary to label people solely based on gender, but some people felt the label was useful, and in a time before trans issues and gender nonconformity were well known, it allowed men to connect to one another in a distinctly feminine and woman-lead cultural niche. 

The fact is, though lolita is feminine, the femininity of lolita is deeply abstracted from mainstream ideas of womanhood. The petticoats and frills that we deem essential are alien to most people regardless of gender. Truly, lolita is a form of armor, but I'm not even going to go into Novala Takemoto's history and what he was thinking when he came up with that because that's a whole can of worms.

This floating femininity is compelling to me as a nonbinary person because it is utterly unanchored to womanhood and its expectations. Nobody (outside of lolitas ourselves) knows what the hell my deal is, and that's comforting. 

Lolita coordinates are structured as to conceal the body. The dresses typically de-emphasize the bust and conceal the hips entirely, allowing people of many proportions to create beautiful coordinates. This contrasts heavily with mainstream fashions, which almost always showcase parts of the body, and often have trends for the current acceptable body shape. For me, after years of trying to fit my body into an appearance of acceptability, lolita let me ignore my physical form (which I long believed to be a curse designed to nerf me) and focus on the important parts: my creative choices. 

I learned to hate femininity when it was forced upon me as a child, but I've learned to love it now that I can choose it. It's utterly up to me.

Apart from the fashion itself, lolita events allow for a safe space to express femininity without preconceived notions or (grossly) a focus on the male gaze. Many traditional feminine clubs and activities-- knitting circles, book clubs, and religious groups among them-- are limited to a specific topic, allow for little flexibility, and often are associated with older people. Other social gathering places, like bars, coffee shops, and music venues, often are oriented towards men-as-default and typically cost money, which nobody has anymore. 

Lolita comm meets and events can form a kind of third space, a space that is neither work or home, but is dedicated towards social interaction. Furthermore, lolita meets emphasize socializing over monetary transaction, which is good because that money could go to a good cause (Atelier Pierrot). Also, lolita being an alternative fashion, lolitas are often way cooler and weirder than most of the people in their surrounding communities. I like providing a gender neutral space to be feminine, and I love welcoming people into learning to express themselves through fashion.

Furthermore, alternative fashion, youth culture, rebellion, and acceptance of people outside the norm are all deeply tied together. When I see someone who's willing to stand out for their own style, I feel comfortable that they're willing to stand out and stand up for people in their community. Cis, gender-conforming women lolitas don't have to stand out, but they choose to, and that's pretty special. 

Anyway, women are cool (especially because I'm not one), femininity is cool, and lolita is my home away from home. 

Now I need to see how much clothing I can fit into the trunk of a 2012 Toyota Camry before it files a formal complaint against me, thanks for reading!